Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) About Multi-Generational Living

When an adult child moves back home, it raises a lot of practical questions. Here are straightforward answers to some of the most common concerns retirees face in this situation.

There is no magic number, and the right answer depends on your financial situation and your child’s. The goal is not to make a profit, but to foster responsibility and cover increased costs. A good starting point is to calculate the increase in your monthly utility and food bills. Some families charge a nominal flat fee, like $300-$500 per month, which is significantly below market rent but acknowledges their contribution. Another fair approach is to charge a percentage of their take-home pay, typically between 15% and 25%. This method scales with their ability to pay. Alternatively, asking them to cover specific bills like the cable and internet or the electricity bill can also work well. The most important thing is that the amount is agreed upon and written down.

This is a tough but common problem. The first step is to call for one of your scheduled check-in meetings. Do not let the issue fester. In a calm moment, bring out the written agreement and point to the specific area that is not being followed. Ask them what is making it difficult to stick to that part of the plan. Perhaps their work schedule changed, making a chore difficult, or they had an unexpected expense. Try to find a collaborative solution. However, if there is a consistent pattern of disregard for the rules, you must be prepared to enforce the consequences. This might mean restating the move-out date firmly and making it clear that the living arrangement is conditional on mutual respect and adherence to the plan.

This is a critical question with a very specific answer: it depends entirely on your community’s governing documents (CC&Rs or bylaws). Most 55+ communities have strict rules to maintain their status. Often, they require at least one resident in the home to be 55 or older, and they may have age restrictions for all other permanent residents (e.g., no one under 45). They usually have clauses about long-term guests. Some allow a non-qualifying resident to stay for a period of 30, 60, or 90 days, but rarely longer. You must obtain a copy of your community’s rules and read them carefully. Do not guess or assume. Violating these rules can lead to significant fines from your homeowners’ association.

Financial experts almost universally advise against this for retirees. Cosigning a loan for a car or apartment makes you legally responsible for the entire debt if your child defaults. This can put your home, savings, and Social Security benefits at risk. You can find more information about your benefits at the Social Security Administration’s website (SSA.gov). Similarly, lending large sums of money can strain your relationship, especially if they are unable to pay it back. A better approach is to provide support in non-financial ways: a stable home, help with their resume, or emotional encouragement. If you choose to give them money, it is often wisest to consider it a gift with no expectation of repayment, and only give an amount that will not impact your own financial security in any way.